Online dating can be frustrating, as reported by Seatle times,
It’s frustrating, confusing, tiring. And in this desperate land of 30-year-old high school cliques and lost love, dating apps have come to the rescue of lonely singles everywhere. While they may have started out as simple web pages with a person’s photo, some fast facts and a messaging function, these apps are evolving and multiplying in number while becoming more specific and easier to use.
The most popular dating apps — Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid and Hinge — have a swiping feature. An image of a single pops up, sorted by your requested gender, age range and area. You can either swipe “yes” or “no,” depending on their profile picture, biography or other app-specific features. And new apps are popping up to fill the spaces these apps haven’t — even Facebook launched its own dating service in the U.S. earlier this fall, allowing you to hunt possible matches and court crushes from the comfort of your Facebook app.
Dating can be scary, overwhelming, or even a symbol of all-encompassing doom. But now, more than ever, there are seemingly innumerable outlets to find a partner. Yes, they’re mostly online. Yes, they have their issues. But these apps allow those who feel uncomfortable with the bar scene, those who don’t like to meet strangers, or those who feel too busy to meet people the “traditional” way to find singles from the comfort of their phones. Read more…
Dating can be a frustrating game. Quite often you will find that the men that you want will put up barriers to keep you at bay, whilst the men who come chasing after you cause not even the slightest stirring of emotion. The reason for much of this lies in the psychology of human behaviour, which can be at the root of many cases of repeated dating failure. Read on to find out more.
There is a saying in life that anything you chase runs away and this is very true of early relationships. And it’s not just men who do the running. If you’ve ever had a man come on far too strong early on in a relationship then you will know how creepy and off-putting it can be.
When someone lets you know that they want to spend their future with you, before you’re ready for this, it can feel like quite a burden. The weight of their expectations can be too much to bear, especially if they intimate that their future happiness depends upon your reciprocation of their feelings. This is far too much responsibility for most men (and women too) when they have not yet even started to think about commitment.
Many men enjoy the dating phase of a relationship and take their time making decisions about their future with a woman. Unfortunately, many women allow themselves to commit to a man and a relationship when they hardly know him, and he just isn’t ready. She may reveal her feelings verbally in “the talk” or show that she has expectations by complaining about what he is not doing already in the relationship. The psychological effect of this transition from dating to relationship is probably the most common cause of repeated dating failure.
The doubt and negativity that comes across in these situations shows the full weight of her implied expectations and he starts to feel trapped and look for an escape route. This is further compounded by her reaction when he withdraws. Her subsequent neediness in not letting him go without a fight shows him that he has her wrapped around his little finger. The chase is over and the romance gone as he struggles to free himself from her clinginess.
It is not wise to discuss a future with a man before a level of emotional dependency has been developed. If it is too soon, you will scare him off. Love can be likened to an addiction. If you produce pleasurable feelings in another person on a regular basis then they will develop a level of emotional attachment to you. If you allow him to fall in love with you, without feeling that you are trying to trap him into something he is not sure that he wants, that is when commitment can happen naturally.
One way that he will feel safer with you is when you don’t pressurise him into doing things that he doesn’t want to do e.g. spending time with you. When he spends more time with you than he wants, you quickly wear out your welcome, but when you leave prematurely, you leave him wanting more. Whether you speak to him on the phone or go out on a date, remember this principle and get out while you are still having fun.
Also be aware that it is human nature not to value that which is freely available to us and to hanker after that which remains just outside our reach. Something is not valuable to us if we didn’t have to work to get it. You would do well to remember this principle in dating, particularly when it comes to sex. Throw yourself at a man’s feet at your peril. He will trample over you and then leave. He will happily sleep with you first though, if you let him. If you make him work a little harder to get you, he will value you more and that extra value can often translate into a long-term commitment. Of course, you must respect and value yourself first.
If you want your relationship to last then you need to meet his emotional needs whilst presenting yourself as a challenge. This means maintaining your respect and dignity at all times and not giving yourself away. Let him come after you and you will appeal to his psychological need to chase his prize. The key is to maintain balance during dating. Make him feel good, then allow him to miss you. When you keep him wanting just a little bit more, then he will be pursuing you for the relationship that you want.